That Time at TESFest

TESFesti was looking forward to this weekend for several months, even though i was unsure if it would actually happen, based on the lack of seeing Her for weeks at a time. my hopes would also be that there can be a restart since the past year hasn’t been my idea of what the two of us were supposed to be. More on that, maybe, in a different post. i had no clue how this weekend would be, but in my heart, it was a make or break one. If we couldn’t be on the same page or see things in ways that would be mutually beneficial, i would walk away and know i gave it my all. So, i was anxious because, in my eyes, ‘our’ future was being determined. i was hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

It already started with Her not being able to come down there with me, which reminded me of how it started last year, so, in my mind, this was NOT a good look and it may be a repeat of what transpired from that time until now. But, i still made it a point to think positive and hope for the best as i couldn’t let any negative enter my mind, especially not knowing what was going through Her head.

i made sure this year that we had our own room as we shared a room last year with others. i figured this would give us needed privacy without having to worry about anyone interrupting or us bothering them. The excitement was built in my head as all i could think about was being with Her for the entire weekend. Originally, because of work, i was only able to stay until Sunday, but i was able to get an additional day off so, i was hoping She’d want to stay until Monday. Luckily, She was willing to stay so we would have an extra day to hang out.

Now, as excited as i was to spending days with Miss Eve, i was also deathly afraid… One, because i would be at Her complete mercy, with no one to stop Her from doing whatever She wanted with me. But, two, i would be at Her complete mercy, with no one to stop Her from doing whatever She wanted TO me. A choice i would make each and every time…. Wishing that it could be happening at this exact moment!

To be continued…..

Just Thinking…

Just ThinkingSo, it’s been almost 2 weeks since i last saw Her. Barely communicating the past few days. Thought things went well at TESFest, Fourth of July weekend, but, maybe it didn’t go as well as i originally thought. There was a time when we spoke daily, even if it was brief. Those days are apparently over as it’s rare to communicate as often as before. How can i not think that there is no longer interest? Unreturned texts, unanswered phone calls…. Rejection is not a great feeling. Continue reading