Just Thinking…

Just ThinkingSo, it’s been almost 2 weeks since i last saw Her. Barely communicating the past few days. Thought things went well at TESFest, Fourth of July weekend, but, maybe it didn’t go as well as i originally thought. There was a time when we spoke daily, even if it was brief. Those days are apparently over as it’s rare to communicate as often as before. How can i not think that there is no longer interest? Unreturned texts, unanswered phone calls…. Rejection is not a great feeling.

‘The Summer of Sadism’ it’s supposed to be, but, we are already in the middle of July, with no plans in sight. This started last July after TESFest, so, it brings back memories of a promised fun filled summer that ended up being nowhere near fun, just misery and frustration. The neglect started around this time last year as Her interest in me dissipated, even after i made changes She requested of me.  Making matters worse, in my mind, because those changes were hard to make but the sacrifice was there and all i wanted to do was prove i can be who She wanted me to be. It was one of the biggest fights of my life because i was basically set in my ways and it always worked for me, so, why alter them?

Simply because She requested….  ‘chucky, you don’t have to change, people love you as you are, it’s worked all these years’ is what went through my mind often. my response, ‘Well, it’s because She wants me to and i really like Her, so, why not? It’ll be hard, but, worth it if we are together…’ Or, so i thought…..

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