As a person who has been involved in the art of BDSM for a couple of years now, i do have some fears. Having the privilege to serve a true Sadist, evidently, the fear of punishment is high on my list. Of course, the fear of pain, crosses my mind often. But, the worst fear (Outside of losing the privilege of being the property of Miss Eve) is the fear of disappointing Miss Eve.
Each time i feel i am making strides in my journey to better serve Miss Eve, it seems as if another obstacle presents itself. No doubt, i knew this wasn’t going to be easy because if it’s too easy, then it won’t feel earned and/or appreciated. Many boundaries and i do mean, MANY boundaries have been broken in my pursuit of serving Miss Eve. i’ve done more things (in terms of what i don’t like/want to do) with Miss Eve than i have done with/for every Mistress combined and that says a lot (Well, at least in my mind). And, i can assure You, i have done PLENTY in my many years in the scene, but, it also shows that much more can be done. Maybe She doesn’t believe me when i tell Her this, but, there is no reason to lie.
i have expressed many times to Miss Eve that i want to break those barriers i’ve set myself and with knowing what She likes, i’ve started to do so. Maybe not at the pace She would have liked it to be, but, my mindset is better suited to bend more towards Her will now than previously. i’d like to call that growth and i have to acknowledge Her for making that happen. i know She, at times, feels like it’s wasting Her time, but, it isn’t. Well, not from my thinking, but, even now, i’ve discovered that if i am to serve Her, i have to get at the pace She expects. In my defense, being in Her presence and understanding Her more so, has made me grow in ways that i didn’t previously. Again, She gets the credit for that.
i do appreciate the patience She has shown and i don’t like the feeling of disappointing Her. i can only hope that She recognizes the effort on my part to be better today than i was yesterday and next week, to be better than i am this week. This way, instead of constant disappointments, there will be constant satisfaction. And isn’t that the goal?