So, one of the reasons I’ve decided to try to become closer to Miss Eve in terms of BDSM is because I have other goals that need to be met and I feel, under Her direction and guidance that I can reach them. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure if I really do what I have to, no, what I’m supposed to do, in terms of reaching those goals, I’ll be successful. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say that things haven’t been going exactly as planned in certain endeavors in my life. Things that were definitely on track, a more accomplished lifestyle. No excuses, as they say, life happens. Sometimes you can’t control certain things, you just have to adjust the mindset once things don’t go as well as planned.
What I’ve noticed about myself is that I always hold myself accountable for anything I do and will continue to do so. But, truthfully, I feel I need an authority to also hold me accountable and through our interactions, Miss Eve has yelled at me several times for things that I didn’t take care of that I assured Her I would. It makes for a scary exchange (And no, I don’t look for confrontations with Miss Eve. With others, if it does, it does, I can handle it…) and that’s what I try to avoid with Her. It also gives me an uneasy feeling knowing She is disappointed in me, even if I don’t feel it’s a major thing, it doesn’t matter, because disappointment is disappointment, regardless of the level I would assess it. I’ve also found out, She enjoys doling out punishments. No, let me take that back, She enjoys causing pain and discomfort, a true Sadist. It’s a difference when She is disappointed as opposed to Her just wanting to see me in some type of pain. I don’t want to disappoint Miss Eve in any fashion and She makes it known that She doesn’t like being disappointed. Point taken…..
Which brings me back to my life goals. Being in service to Miss Eve has made me want to better myself so I can better serve Her in the way She may want to be served. The top 2 things I need to do so I can be better for Miss Eve is to:
1. Put my career back on track to become even more successful than I was previously. Can’t have a dungeon in a railroad apartment, so I need to have one in the basement of my house. Plus, I think Miss Eve enjoys hearing me scream a little and my neighbors might just call the cops if Miss Eve decides that She wants me to suffer.
2. Get my health back in order. I’ve shown photos of myself from many years ago when I was a tad skinnier and Her reaction to certain photos leads me to believe that I may look a little better with less weight…. More specifically, this midsection that boasts of a 6 pack but it’s slightly covered with, let’s say, protective flesh… Plus, I just need to be healthy enough to withstand some of the, uh, activities that Miss Eve particularly enjoys.
Putting Miss Eve in charge of the things I need to get to, to be the best person I can be, will also be a mental challenge and it will be difficult because She demands things to be a certain way and if I am to be anything close to who I should be for Her, then, I have to get in line.
Pray for me….. Please?